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JOHNNY JONES 



• • • 



GOT LEFT 



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AT THE ZOO. 



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JOHNNY JONES GOT LEFT AT THE ZOO. 



Scene: — Zoological Garden — Restaurant. Time: — Midnight. 

Johnny Jones discovered asleep in one corner on a chair. Enter 
Grizzly Bear on all fours — jumps around very lively — sniffs — sees Johnny 
asleep, puts his paw upon him and wakens him. 



Johnny Jones, [waking with a start.] 
Where am I? mamma, where are you? 
Nobody here — what shall I do? 
They've left me sleeping in this chair. 
O, please don't eat me Mr. Bear ! 
Grizzly Bear. 
Now don't you be afraid, my dear, 
No one shall eat you while I'm here. 
Nobody here but you, you said ? 
Well, that to hear I'm very glad. 
My keeper went to sleep to-night 
And left my gate wide open quite, 
And so I thought I'd take a walk — 
You didn't know that bears could talk ? 
Oh, yes, indeed, and all beasts can 
As well as girl, or boy, or man. 
I believe I'll call on every friend 
I have, and see if I can lend 
A hand to let them out with me. 
If I succeed some fun you'll see. 
Don't go 'way, just wait a minute 
Where you are, and you'll be in it. 

[Exit on all fours.] 

[Enter Polar Bear on all fours, with a snort and growl.] 

Polar Bear, [rises on hind legs.] 
My friend, old Grizzly, came to me 
And said my keeper seemed to be 
Sound asleep, and wanted to know 
If for a frolic I would go. 
I said, you bet, but how get out? 
He felt the keeper's coat about. 
And found a bunch of all the keys. 
My gate he opened then with ease. 
And started off to see the rest 
Of his four chums ; ^^ou'll see the best 



And fastest sliow since Barnum went 
Unto a foreign continent. 
If some one don't come here soon I — 
Ah ! Mr. and Mrs. Rooney ! 

[Enter Mr. and Mrs. Rooney, walking upright, arm in arm, and very 
proudly.] 

Mr. and Mrs. Rooney, [together.] 
This, I believe, is Polar Bear — 
The missing links are we, ah there ! 

Polar Bear. 
Yon two kids look rather spoony — 
No monkey business, Mr. Rooney. 
You break me up with your ^' ah there," 
But let's not quarr'l, put your paw there. 

[They shake.] 

Heavy footsteps I hear without, 
Comes our Elephant friend, no doubt. 

[Enter Elephant with great stamping, and on his back Grizzly Bear.] 

Elephant. 

Good evening, friends, you see my trunk 
I've brought without a cheek; I'd spunk 
Enough to march right through the gate 
And not to show my ticket wait. 
Or for a sleeper give a tip ; 
I on my tip-toes here did slip 
Without the slightest bit of noise 
To have a night off with the boys. 
You, Polar, look a little pale — 
Expect no doubt to go to jail — 
Live on air and water diet — 
Shaky, now, you can't deny it. 
Mrs. Rooney, aha, my dear. 
Most glad indeed to see 3^ou here. 
And Rooney too, hoAv're you Pat, 
You'r lookin' gay to-night — that's what ! 

Grizzly Bear. 

Say boys, I'm hungry as a bear. 
Smell something to eat anywhere ? 

[They all go snififing around.] 



Mrs. Roonkv. 
Yes, Mr. Grizzly, if 3^011 please, 
I've found a piece of Limburg cheese. 

Grizzly. 
To eat Limburg Fm not able, 
Put it down upon the table. 

Polar Bear, [excited.] 
Oh, gewhillikins ! what a take, 
Links of wienerwurst, no mistake ! 

Grizzly, [takes them and holds them up.] 
We ne'er wushecl you a better find, 
May these tough links our friendship bind ! 

Elephant. 
Better luck no one could ask it, 
Thousand pretzels in a basket. 

Grizzly. 
Here, bring 'em up and dump 'em out, 
You alwa^^s know what you'r about. 
All found something except Rooney, 
Where are you, you little luny ? 

RooNEA^, [staggering up from corner.] 
Here I am in the corner here. 
Found a great big bottle of beer, 
Couldn't lift it with all my might, 
Drank some out to make it light. 

Grizzly, [sternly.] 
Roone}^, I am ashamed of you ! 
Disgrace you are to the whole Zoo. 
That stuff is only made for man, 
Not fit for beast his soul to ban. 
Don't drink the stuff and be a fool, 
Take it away, let reason rule ! 

[Rooney takes it away.] 

Grizzly. 
Comrades, let us fall to and eat 
All those who can may take a seat. 

[They all gather round the table.] 



Grizzly. 
Mr. Rooney, I understand, 
For telling tales yon'r a great hand. 
A good one tell us, now your best 
I would be pleased, so would the rest. 

Mr. RoONEY, [deliberately.] 
Friends, one and all, both young and old 
I will my best tale now unfold. 

[Slowly unwraps his own tale and bows.] 

Grizzly. 
Now tell us Mr. Polar Bear 
Of your old home, your icy lair, 
Is there really there a pole, 
Or nothing but old Symm's hole ? 
The climate, is it warm or cold? 
Let everything you know be told. 

Polar Bear. 
How's the climate, is there a pole ? 
Funny questions, upon my soul. 
Days of cubhood — happy time it — 
A pole a bear I see climb it. 

[All groan.] 

Grizzly. 
Ele' ne'er a story bungles. 
Tell us of those Afric jungles. 
How the fearless hunter dusky 
Tries to pull your ivory tusky. 

Elephant. 
Hunters one day got after me. 
Like Dan Tucker, I climbed a tree. 
Close to the tree they gather all. 
The limb it broke, I got a fall — 
You ought have heard those hunters yell 
When down upon them all I fell. 
But in the fall I broke my knee — 
Next day more hunters captured me. 

Grizzly. 
Now Mrs. Rooney take this toast, 



And Patrick have a chance to roast. 

Is matrimony a success ? 

Or life with Pat two-fold distress ? 

Mrs. Rooney, [shyly.] 
Why, married life is not so nice, 
I find that love grows cold as ice. 
From what I've seen take my advice 
And never with another splice, 
Unless some hope does you suffice 
That you perchance may marry twice. 
No, married life is not so nice, 
I find that love grows cold as ice. 

Grizzly. 
Now, Mr. Rooney, missing link ! 
Please tell us what 3^ou monkeys think 
Of that strange animal called man. 
And speak as briefly as you can. 

Mr. Rooney, 

[In a sing-song way, keeping time with the feet and swaying motion 
of body.] 

Man is a monkey without hair 
And has to work for clothes to wear; 
A handsome thing he used to be. 
Long years ago he looked like me, 
And lived up in a cocoa tree. 
And ate and chattered happil3\ 
He fell so deep in vanity 
He lost his sense, consequently 
He works from breakfast until tea. 
And lives in constant misery. 
Man is a monkey without hair 
And has to work for clothes to wear. 

[For the last two lines all the rest come forward and form a line, re- 
peating with Rooney, swaying motion of body, etc. 

Elephant. 
What is the programme now to be 
For this most glor'ous jamboree? 

Grizzly. 
I'm to-night circus ring-master, 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

lllllilllllllllllllillilllllllllllillllllllllllllil^ 

016 102 377 2 



To start the ball rolling faster, 
We'll try our hand at a parade, 
So, whoop it up, be not afraid — 
Now come on Polar, fall in line. 
Come, Annie Rooney, you are mine — 
Now Ele, step in quick my dear, 
And Patrick you bring up the rear, 
So round the circle gayly go, 
We'll have some fun or reason know. 

[Johnny Jones falls in line here.] 

Grizzly. 
Halt ! front ! forward ! battle array — 
Here, you little one, look this way, [to Elephant.] 
Now draw your breath in full and long. 
For we must have a little song. 

All sing the following, 

[Keeping time, grimaces, etc.] 

Johnny Jones got left at the Zoo, 
Then he made a hullabaloo, 
Wanted his mamma — bahoo, bahoo ! 
Listen to our tale of woe. 
Bears and monkeys, elephant too. 
All got out that night at the Zoo — 
Did'nt they raise a hullabaloo, 
Well, I should think so. 

Grizzly. 
Right about face — and break awa}^ — 
Partners grab for the coming fray. 
Now in your places quickly get, 
And we will walk a minuet — 

[Elephant takes Mrs. Rooney — Polar takes Mr. Rooney — Grizzly takes 
Johnny Jones — they walk it nicely as possible, with many afifected graces, 
etc.] 

Since this may be our only chance. 
Let's have a reg'lar old bar dance — 
Ho for ring-around-a-rosy. 
Come, old fellows don't get dozy. 

[They all take hold of hands, forming a circle, and are having a hila- 
rious time when their keeper appears with a gun, they drop on all fours, 
and he marches them all out — lohnny too. 

Curtain. 



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LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS | 

Hi. 

016 102 377 2 # 



Hoilinger 

pH 8.5 

MiU Run F03-2193 



